Monday, June 23, 2008

Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: So My Wife Died Today, What's your Point?


One of the most amusing and condemning traits of the psychopath is having such shallow emotions that he has no clue what normal people act like under tragic circumstances(read: my wife just died).

Take the case of Gabe Watson, whose wife drowned while they were scuba diving on their honeymoon in Australia. He made the comment, "This sucks," while he was playing cards with his friends later that same day. It is unclear whether he was talking about his wife dying or the poker hand he had just been dealt.

Apparently, he didn't do so well either with the story as to how his wife had this bad scuba accident. An experienced rescue diver, he is last seen giving his wife a bear hug 15 meters under the water after which she is seen sinking straight towards the bottom of the ocean while he swims off in another direction.

"Ah, she weighed too much so I couldn't hold on to her," (in the weightlessness of water?), "My eardrum ruptured," (suffer the pain or let the wife die....easy choice...of course, his eardrum repaired itself within seconds of surfacing), and "My wife knocked my mask off and I had to get away from her because she might get me drowned."


If these three stories weren't enough, Watdon had thirteen MORE versions! For a likely premeditated crime, Watson sure didn't settle on one good explanation. Or, maybe he did, but when he gave the first one, everyone looked at him funny and he realized he hadn't picked the best scenario. So he tried again, and again, and again. Psychopaths don't seem to recognize that people actually remember what you said five minutes ago and changing your story doesn't erase the lie you just told.

At any rate, his sixteen stories and card playing grieving wasn't enough evidence to get the Queensland coroner to label the manner of death a homicide. It took five long years for the light bulb to finally come on and Gabe Watson is just now being charged with his wife Tina's murder. From the comfort of his armchair in good ol' Alabama, with his newer and still alive wife by his side, he got the long belated news.

I wonder what stories he is going to tell Wife Number Two. I am sure he will at least say, "This sucks," only he might simply be talking about his beer which had gotten warm while he was distracted by arrival of the coroner's decision.

Criminal Profiler Pat Brown

1 comment:

Preraphazon said...

HAHA! You SO nailed that one!