Thursday, March 21, 2013

Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: Teach Your Sons Not To Rape

There have been many very angry women expressing this sentiment following the Steubenville, Ohio conviction of the two high school football players who sexually assaulted a very drunk and near comatose young lady and then proceeded to threaten and humiliate her via social media. There is ample evidence in this case against these young men and that these two creeps were found guilty makes me very happy, Often, in these date or acquaintance type rape crimes, it is a he said-she said situation and it is very difficult to prove a rape or sexual assault actually occurred, that the alleged victim didn't  participate consensually in the act. A Montana college student and  football player was recently found not guilty because there simply wasn't ample proof the girl didn't want sex with him. I thought that verdict was correct.

But in the wake of these cases, I see a lot of furious women mad as hell about anyone recommending that they should educate their daughters on how to keep themselves from getting attacked. These angry women say, "Why do we have to keep teaching our daughters this stuff? Why can't YOU teach your sons not to rape?"

Umm, ladies, you can't teach your sons not to rape. You can't have a birds and a bees discussion and say, "By the way, don't rape girls; it's not nice."

If your son doesn't know that "no means no," and that having sex with unconscious girls is sick and criminal, you have a little psychopath on your hands and he doesn't give a crap about what you say. You lost him years ago when he was a little boy.

What we all SHOULD be are good parents, ones who teach both sons and daughters to be decent people, - kind and respectful, empathetic and law-abiding. When these children get to be teens and adults, they don't commit crimes. I did not have a talk with my sons about not raping girls; they would have been appalled that I would even have considered it necessary to tell them that. I didn't have a talk with my daughter about not tricking a guy into getting her pregnant and to not stalk and kill her boyfriend like Jodi Arias; she would have said, "Just what kind of girl do you think I am, Mom?"

I started giving lessons in morality and ethics when my children were very young, teaching them not to hit, not to be poor sports, to be polite, to not be bullies, to not take what isn't theirs, to not be greedy, to be willing to share, and so on. I started when they were at the breast ("don't bite Mommy") and then kept them from thinking it was okay to pull the cat's tail when they learned to crawl and grab. I kept up the lessons in how to be a decent human being all through their childhood and into their teens. But,  I never had to tell them not to shoplift, steal cars, burglarize the neighbors' homes, set fires, or sell drugs. And I didn't have to tell my boys not to rape. Why? Because I hadn't raised psychopaths or criminals. If you really think you need to have a "rape" conversation with your son, you dropped the ball long, long ago.

And since there are enough young men out in the world who are past the point of moral return and the justice system cannot catch them all and keep them locked up, I will continue to encourage parents to teach their daughters how to keep from getting raped and sexually assaulted. Just because young men should never do bad things, doesn't mean some aren't going to. Being angry about it isn't going to keep your daughter from becoming a victim. So, in spite of a number of angry bloggers who attacked my book, How to Save Your Daughter's Life, for educating parents on how to keep their daughters safe, I am going to keep on educating young women and their parents because I know sex predators are out there - in the high schools, in the colleges, in the neighborhood, and in the home. As a female, I, too, am frustrated at having so many sexual crimes perpetrated against women and I am all for coming down harder on these sex offenders with a much tougher criminal justice system, but, right now, the reality is such that we women have to do what we can to not end up a victims of horrible crimes that will ruin our lives.

Just because some parents need to do a better job raising their sons doesn't mean we should stop doing the job of raising our daughters.They need our help keeping them safe.

Criminal Profiler Pat Brown
March 21, 2013

How to Save your Daughter's Life by Pat Brown at Amazon or Barnes and Noble and bookstores near you.

Included in this book, a ton of information about

The Early Years
Partying, Drinking, Drugging, Casual Sex (Hooking Up), and Gangs
Date Rape
The Dangers of Social Networking and the Internet
Risky Relationships
Child Predators, Serial Rapists, and Serial Killers
The Sex Trade and Sex Trafficking


Anonymous said...

My nephew went through a crappy little thug phase that included being a vocal misogynist along with other anti-social behaviors. One day I got sick of his shit and I calmly put my hand around his throat and informed him that if he ever raped a woman, beat a woman, got her pregnant and left her, wound up being the kind of guy who street harasses-I will pray every day for his death and he will not be any relation of mine.
He cut out his intentional misogyny crap around me and when he unconsciously misogynist, I let him know and never let up.

This was 15 years ago, he turned out to be a decent man,.

Pat Brown said...

You didn't tell him, you threatened him with disowning him which I think is awesome. You lid down the law to him, at least as it affected your life. My guess is that didn't turn him into a nice guy...that really doesn't often happen to a great extent. I am going to guess he has learned is to act in a fashion around you that you accept (which is a good thing...that is what laws and punishment is about). Also, if he wasn't the type that wanted to break the law in the first place, he wouldn't have done so whether you yelled at him or not. What he does when you are not looking is the question. If he isn't doing anything bad, then he may have learned that he can use manipulations and narcissism in a legal way. And I prefer that to in a criminal way,

Teens don't go through thug and antisocial phases. They are antisocial. They don't just change in teen years. One can see the early behaviors that led there and, if you look hard enough, those certain behaviors are likely to still be there in an adult form.

I know I sound pessimistic about people changing and I am not saying they cannot learn the lessons of life and turn around to some extent, but personality disorders of a very narcissistic or psychopathic kind don't vanish; they simply change form. And it is up to us in society to pressure them into acting in a legal way, if nothing else. For example, a man hits his wife. Her brothers jump him in an alley, beat the shit out of him, and tell him if he ever touches his wife again, they will kill him. He probably will stop abusing her physically. He isn't a different person, but being a narcissist, he is concerned about Number One and he doesn't won't Number One to suffer.

Pat Brown said...

I would like to add that I DO believe that if the environment of an individual can be radically changed and spiritual change occurs, then that person may exhibit improved behavior. So I am not ruling out change of heart, but I often find that people mistake change of heart for an individual simply getting older and smarter in how to mask a personality disorder.

iustitia_est_defluo said...

I think the wearied out Nature V.S. Nurture debate when it comes to the development of various criminal type equates to a version of the "chicken or the egg" question that tends to oversimply the matter on both sides of the argument.

Some like spouting off Sutherlands Differential Association Theory, which basically posits that criminal behavior is learned by others within immediate personal settings. Yet there have been instances where children who are raised around seemingly average non criminal parents and peer groups display sociopathic behaviors regardless that there is no environmental stimulus.

Then on the opposite end of that spectrum you have children who are raised around seemingly sociopathic, unattentive parents who are drunk pieces of shit, who rape them, beat them etc. Yet these same children grow up to be Doctors, Lawyers, Scholars, Police officers, without exhibiting psychopathy.

People are first and foremost governed by a psychosociological "chaos factor", and no one has the same amount of Will. Will is something unique to their character as individuals, and is what ultimately determines the nature of their essence later in life. Or for that matter at any given moment since WIll, Personality, and such is NOT something concrete but rather something Progressive which is constantly changing and reformulating to meet the demands of new social experiences.

The "Wordsworth argument" (the child is father to the man) can be true, but not always. It's not the environment you are surrounded by which determines who or what you will become...It's the Will's ability to persevere hardship and turn a negative experience into an education in what "NOT" to be or imitate.

SO at the end of the day the Human WIll is a product of various chaotic social factors which shape and mold it individually based on their own unique qualities. It's an either/or thing. (and sometimes a combination of both.)

Wordsworth was wrong.
Chaos is father to the Man.

Anonymous said...

Have you see this???

It's about the shutters in Maddie McCann case.

buy ecigs said...

Nice post, very helpful for us.I will come back here again & again...:)
Also, to know more about...

madelline's website
madelline sells florida

Anonymous said...

What about this? Probable?

rs gold said...

I must include that I'm sure if the surroundings associated with an particular person might be drastically modified along with non secular change takes place, after that see your face may possibly exhibit enhanced habits. And so i 'm not really ruling out and about alter involving cardiovascular, however i end up finding that men and women mistake modify of cardiovascular for a person just growing old and wiser inside the best way to hide a personality condition.

World of Warcraft Gold
Gold On Runescape

Anonymous said...