Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: "Ho! Ho! Ho! Is it Santa or Tiger?

CJ, a very funny and fun columnist writing for the Minneapolis Star Tribune called me the other day and quizzed me on my thoughts about Tiger Woods and his off-course etiquette (pictured left). What I told her can be read here. But, I still have a thought about men, marriage, and monogamy; do these go together any more? Do women even have a hope and a prayer their man will believe that marriage and monogamy are entwined? Do they just roll their eyes when their husband-to-be promises to be faithful to her in front of the minister, family, community, and God? I have to admit I tend to snicker these days in a very cynical manner when I hear the vows of marriage uttered (or muttered) at the weddings I attend. I wondered how long it will be before the happy couple gets lawyers and the family gets torn asunder.

No man has to get married. If he wants to be a confirmed bachelor, bully for him. Let him state his desired lifestyle and leave marriage to those who really believe in the institution. Tiger didn't have to marry anyone. Well, I guess he might have had to if he wanted to improve his image and make billions and billions. Most of us probably think that much money was hardly necessary as the man was already raking in the cash and the babes. I can only guess he is so greedy that he made a calculated business move and sold Elin a phony bill of goods. He committed fraud and he should be held accountable.

Sadly, Elin and two innocent children have to pay for Tiger's repulsive and disrepectful behavior. Money doesn't buy everything. It won't buy his daughter and son pride in their father. It won't buy back Elin's humiliation and devastation. Tiger can't even buy self-respect because any man who has to purchase pussy to feel powerful is nothing but an alley cat no decent woman wants to bring home.

Good luck, Elin. I hope the next man in your life is a monogomous goose and not a two-timing Tiger.

Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: Adultery IS a Big Issue and Not to be Taken Lightly

News of John Edwards' adulterous affair and now an Internet barrage of stories about John McCain's supposed affairs are seriously ticking me off. Not for the reason most people seem to be upset - that a cheating spouse is not that big a deal and it is a issue that should only matter to the parties involved - but, because adultery IS a big deal and I am sick of people making light of it.

Marriage is a commitment and a promise, and one of the major oaths taking during the marriage ceremony is one of faithfulness. What good is a relationship if the one you love is out screwing around and then lying to you every day and night? If this way the marriage is supposed to be, why bother with it? Just date and be clear that you have no intention of being monogamous.

Oh, what, but you want to have a family? Children? Sure, so lie about staying faithful so you can have the kids, then devastate your mate and break up the family, so your kids can have a rotten life. That sounds like a great plan. This way you can make all involved miserable including your in-laws, your friends, and the community you live in.

It should not be that hard to avoid sex outside of marriage. Finding a place to go alone with someone who is not your mate and getting naked with them doesn't happen by accident. It actually takes quite a lot of forethought and planning. Before one gets under the covers or into the back seat of a car, the thought has to cross one's mind that what one is doing is wrong, dishonorable, and downright cruel to one's mate. And one must know from that point on, a big fat lie is going to be injected into the marriage along with a lot of smaller lies such as "I had to work late," and "I really love you," and "I have no idea how you got that STD...have YOU been cheating on me?"

Worse yet, if you are in the public eye, your ethics and morals are a big issue to a great many. If you are lying to your spouse, you are also lying to the people who are electing you. Furthermore, you are putting yourself in a situation to be blackmailed which is a totally unacceptable position for an elected official to be in.

Finally, what is up with the inability of so many people to just be decent? So your marriage is having problems or your sex life is going through a bad spell. Aren't there many people who don't have sex for a long period of time because of religious beliefs or just a sense of pride? Do all single people have sex regularly or do some go without for years while waiting for the right person to enter their lives?

Here is where I stand: Anyone who commits adultery is a heel, plain and simple. Furthermore, I am sick of hearing that sex with someone other than one's spouse is acceptable during separation. Separated people are not divorced; they are married. Often one of the couple believes that the separation is a time for working out problems and that the marriage will ultimately survive. No one should be having sex with others until the ink dries on the divorce papers (and I am not going to argue in this post about various religious beliefs on divorce and sex outside of marriage). Only when both partners legally are no longer bound is moving on to another partner justified. For that matter, neither of the partners should even begin dating until the divorce is final and no single folk out there should take up with persons who are still married regardless of how long they have been separated .

Marriage is too important an institution to regard carelessly and treat as mere whim. I am saddened by how few seem to see it this way.

Criminal Profiler Pat Brown

Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: Just say good bye, Senator Craig

All right, I give in. I have to finally put my two cents in about Senator Larry Craig.

Senator Craig, you are a manipulative, lying creep.

You plead guilty to trying to solicit sex in a public bathroom. No innocent man in his right mind would have done that, especially a public figure, if some aggressive cop had decided to use you to make his day. Furthermore, no man accidentally touches other men's feet under the stall or puts his hands or eyes into another man's personal space while taking care of business unless he is willing to risk getting beat up for trying to get a little something from someone he thinks wants the same thing.

I differ with folks who say even if you were trying to have sex with strange men in public bathrooms, it is no big thing. The word "public" is an important point here. When people are in public spaces they do not expect that they or their underage children will be exposed to sexual acts. What you do in the privacy of your own home or someone else's home is another matter. I don't care. Well, actually I do, if you are married.

Which brings me to the topic of adultery. Again, some people say adultery is a personal matter. No, it isn't. Adultery destroys family, community, and society. Maybe it isn't illegal any more, but I don't have to respect you for doing it and I should think someone who represents family values ought to have some of them himself.

Very few people have brought this issue up: you are a security risk. If you are trying this hard to hide your homosexual behavior, then someone can blackmail you, whether it be a lobbyist or an agent of a foreign power. You are a liability.

Finally, we can't trust a damn thing you say. You gave the speech I expected when you said you were resigning for the good of the country and so you wouldn't be a distraction in the course of the government doing business. You, of course, admitted no guilt; you only claimed to be a great guy who was railroaded, but in spite of that, would leave office so as not to cause more contention.

Apparently, you lied again, because now you are taking that back. You seem to have problems making "false statements" and then wishing you hadn't made them.

Go away, Senator Craig, please! You are a disgrace to your family, your state, and your country.

Criminal Profiler Pat Brown