Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: Blaming the Victim Does Not Solve Cases

Anonymous posted a comment to Pat Brown’s Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: Yes, Paige Birgfeld, Missing Mom, is a Hooker,

“You disgust me. I hope you NEVER have to suffer through what Paige's family and friends are going through right now."

We usually don't answer comments like this, but I am going to answer this one.

My family and I know exactly what Paige Birgfeld’s family and friends are going through right now. Our loved one has been missing for more than 23 years. I hope Paige's family and friends won’t have to suffer like that. No one should suffer like that. But unfortunately, the loved ones of more than 100,000 missing adults and children in this country alone do live with that kind of pain.

Pat's article emphasized the importance of a complete victim profile because it significantly increases investigative avenues and the list of possible suspects. The less that is known about any missing person, the less chance there is of finding him or her. No one is doing Paige any good by denying the truth about her behavior and possible associates. While it is important to understand the relationship between high-risk behavior and victims of crime, it doesn’t mean someone deserves to be a victim, or that the perpetrator of the crime is any less guilty. Blaming the victim is wrong, and is one of the reasons why many cases go unsolved. We believe in solving cases here.

Apparently, my loved one was no angel either, but I didn't get close to the truth of what may have happened to him until I learned the truth about his activities and the persons associated with those activities. I didn't know about these things or people when he was alive, and as painful as it was when I finally did find out, I wish it had been much sooner. Although I was hurt and angry, it did not affect my resolve to find him and bring his killer to justice. Bringing attention to what Paige was involved in may generate important leads for investigators, and just could mean the difference between finding her or not.

To learn what you can do to help missing persons, please visit The Doe Network- International Center for Unidentified and Missing Persons , The North American Missing Persons Network, and Missing Pieces Radio.

Donna Weaver

Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: Searching for Gary

The following is the story of why I chose to pursue a formal education and career as an investigator. I tell it as the girl I was then, instead of from the professional point of view that took me many years to learn. I know exactly why those in the criminal justice field should not be involved in investigating a case in which they are a victim. Unfortunately, sometimes a victim has no other choice.

I met my husband, Gary, in December of 1981. One year later we were married, and the following spring we were blessed with the birth of our twin daughters. I was the luckiest girl in the world-I was in love and married to my best friend, and I had two beautiful, healthy, and happy babies. Like many new families just starting out, money was a little tight and when Gary was offered an opportunity to make some extra money fixing diesel engines in the Bahamas, it seemed like a Godsend. Earning $100 a day for 2 or 3 days work would be a big help to us.

I last spoke to Gary on the morning of December 9, 1983, when he called to say he was almost finished with his work and had just purchased his plane ticket at the airport in Nassau to return home the next day. We happily talked of the plans we had for after I picked him up at the airport. We were going straight to my Mother's of Twins club Christmas party where the babies would sit on Santa's lap for the first time- something Gary was excited about as he had been eagerly anticipating the girls’ first Christmas almost since the day they were born. And the day after that was our first wedding anniversary. We were laughing on the phone about the prospect of eating the top of our wedding cake with the babies- all of us with our fingers! I had another surprise for him- one of the babies had started to say Da-Da while he was away, and I couldn’t wait to see his face when he heard it for the first time. So many happy days ahead!

On December 10th I stood waiting at the airport gate with the babies next to me in their double stroller. Gary didn't come home on the plane that day, and I never saw him again. Gary disappeared without a trace, and the last time anyone saw him was 45 minutes after I last spoke with him on the telephone the day before.

I had very little information about who Gary was working for and where he was staying in the Bahamas. I called local police and then started making phone calls to every local, state, and federal agency I could find in the phone book. No one helped me. I was left on my own to find out what happened to my husband.

Local police, federal agents, and a Congressional investigator kept telling me to let them handle it, and when I persisted in questioning them, I was told to stop asking questions about my husband's disappearance because I was putting my children and myself in danger. They said that I could even be killed if I didn’t stop making phone calls and offering the small bits of information I uncovered on my own to investigators. Furthermore, they refused to tell me who would want to hurt us and why. I did not understand so I continued to plead, beg, and demand to know what happened to my husband and why my children and I were in danger-but to no avail. It was unbelievable- surreal, and the fear and uncertainty was intolerable. I felt I had only one choice. I had to keep trying to find out what happened to Gary because I could never be sure in my heart we would be safe, even if I stopped looking. Gary was my husband; I had a right to know what happened to him. More importantly, he was a person, he mattered, and his life was just as valuable as anyone else’s was; no one was going to act as if he never existed. No matter how long it took, or what obstacles were in the way, I vowed that I would never give up until I found out what happened to him; but because I feared for my children, I very slowly and carefully set off to pursue the truth.

Twenty-three years later I have almost all of my answers; and soon those responsible will answer for what they have done. It’s not over yet. At the moment we are awaiting a formal request from the Bahamian government to the Office of International Affairs in answer to an offer of assistance from the US Attorney’s Office. It appears Gary’s homicide investigation is one of the many cases delayed by the investigation into the deaths of Daniel and Anna Nicole Smith.

Although my family and I have suffered a terrible betrayal by persons who swore an oath of honor to uphold the law, through this experience I have also been fortunate to meet and know some of the most dedicated and talented people both in and out of law enforcement who are true heroes and champions of truth and justice.

To read about my search for Gary and how the first official investigation was opened 22 years after his disappearance click here. Then read about something incredible that followed the publication of Finding Gary here .

Donna Weaver

Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: Suspended Grief

Sometimes when a perpetrator is apprehended for the abduction and murder of a child or adult, it is reported that they are a suspect in the disappearances of other victims. What is it like for the families of these victims who have no answers? Their heartbreak is something I call “suspended grief”.

Currently, there are few resources and little information available to assist families of missing persons cope with the specific elements of their “suspended grief”. Traditional victim assistance services are not available to these families because a criminal case hasn’t been filed. According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, National Crime Information Center (NCIC) in the U.S. there are an estimated 58,200 child victims of non-family abductions, 50,930 active missing adult cases, and 6,218 active cases of unidentified persons. However, most investigators and law enforcement agencies agree that this represents a fraction of the true number of cases since it is not mandatory for local police agencies to enter cases in NCIC. Many cold cases were never entered into the system simply because of the limits of technological resources at the time, and I have found in some instances that cases originally entered in a local agency’s system were subsequently purged to make room for new cases. Believe me; detectives do not look forward to getting a call from me inquiring about a case with a number that does not currently exist in their system. Sadly, there are many such cases sitting in boxes covered by layers of dust in storerooms and warehouses. The Nation’s Legislators are beginning to understand the magnitude of the problem of missing persons and unidentified victims in the United States. Congress has recently implemented legislative provisions allowing families of missing persons to submit DNA samples to the FBI’s national CODIS database, previously used solely for criminal DNA identification, and cases are being retrieved from many thousands of individual police jurisdictions across the country, moving toward a uniform national reporting and filing system. However, statistics alone cannot capture the fear, horror, frustration, and pain felt by those who know and love a missing person.

According to the psychology books, there are four stages of grief: shock and denial; intense concern; despair and depression; and recovery. Rarely does this occur as progressive stages towards the resolution of grief when a loved one is missing and presumed dead. Grief becomes “suspended” and those left behind become victims themselves. The act of confronting and expressing the emotions generally associated with grief does not bring relief or enable a progression to the next stage towards resolution and recovery. Therefore, the emotional changes associated with the four stages of grief can be experienced, and re-experienced, for long periods, sometimes for the rest of one’s life. I have found in my discussions with victims whose loved one is missing that they usually compare feelings they have experienced at the death of someone else close to them, as if in a desperate attempt to understand or gain a frame of reference in order to try to cope. Virtually all of these surviving victims have pointed out that the emotional changes they feel because their loved one is missing and presumed dead bears little resemblance to the grief they felt when someone else they love had died. Emotional changes are commonly intensified and prolonged when a loved one is missing. Often these feelings are compounded by guilt; wondering if they did all that they could to find the person, or guilt related to going on with life, such as dating, re-marrying, or having more children because it is often perceived as giving up on the missing person before there is proof of death.

When missing person cases go cold, surviving loved ones frequently feel betrayed and abandoned by police and the justice system, which adds to their feelings of despair, helplessness, isolation, and anger. As the passing of time starts to be counted in years, hope, no matter how slight, often remains of finding a loved one alive, even as survivors struggle to balance this with the acceptance of the inevitable death of their missing loved one. Prolonged intense concern also is often inevitable for many victims. The need to keep the memory of the missing person alive becomes an alternative to the overwhelming despair and depression caused by considering the reality of never finding their loved one, or knowing what their loved one experienced, or who is responsible for their disappearance and death. In many cases, “what if” and countless other questions are all survivors have in the absence of knowing the details of their loved one’s fate. Dealing with, and controlling thoughts of the missing person suffering similar horrifying fates known to have happened to other victims who were discovered months or years after they disappeared is very difficult. How can a person put such a terrible experience behind them when they do not have the barest of details to reconcile the event in their mind?

Currently, victim resources related to missing persons cases generally concerns victims of disaster, war, or genocide. In these types of situations, the cause of the disappearance is usually known to some degree, if not readily apparent, and large numbers of people have suffered a similar experience at once. Those left behind when a child is abducted by a stranger, or an adult disappears because they are a victim of foul play, cannot relate to those circumstances or the emotional effects on their lives. Perhaps because in the case of war or disaster people come together as a group for support and recovery of a shared experience which is a result of something, the cause of their pain is an event shared by all, or a known, common enemy.

These are but a few of the particular issues that influence the emotions of these grieving survivors. And it is but one more consideration in determining the devastation to individuals and the cost to society as a whole when offenders are permitted to be free to offend again.

Donna Weaver