Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Ten Pieces of Evidence You Should NOT Become a Profiler

At least not yet. Not now. Maybe when you grow up. Actually, maybe never.

I get emails all the time from people - teens and college students, from those in their thirties and forties and from some quite mature in age - who want to become profilers and so they write me for advice. I answer some of them when they impress me enough to make me want to spend my time responding, but a good many emails just cause me to roll my eyes and hit the delete button. If your email, Ms. or Mr. Profiler Wannabee is in the trash bin, here are ten reasons why you might think about another career.

1) Dear Mr. Brown.....

If you can't even bother to find out the sex of the person you are emailing, your laziness or lack of interest in doing the smallest bit of investigation shows me you aren't going to spend enough time doing analysis on a case to do it properly.

2) Hi. I am starting my own agency and would like some advice.

Learn to write an email and don't go into business because you really aren't very good at it.

3) Dear Ms. Brown, can you recommend some books I should read to learn more about profiling?

Yeah, how about mine?

4) I keep picking abusive men to be in a relationship with, so I have a lot of experience with bad men and I think being a criminal profiler would be a great fit for me.

Hmm....no....because you suck at profiling.

5) I think Casey Anthony is innocent and if I were a profiler, I could have helped the police find the real killer of Caylee.

Hmm....no...because you suck at profiling.

6) I am a woman who just retired from my job at age 65 and I am thinking about going back to college (I am a HS grad) to become a profiler. Do you think I have a chance of working in the field?

::sigh::I wish..but, let's be realistic. There are hardly any jobs in profiling in today's world and by the time you get a master's degree, you will be in your seventies....so really? Do you really think you can get hired at that age when you are competing against young men and women, especially young men who have worked in law enforcement and the military? I won't tell you you shouldn't try but I could make really good money placing a bet against your chances of success.

7) Dear Ms. Brown, I find serial killers really pretty cool and I have been told I might be psychopathic myself so I could probably get inside their heads. Would I make a good profiler?

Dear Mr. Psycho, I am not saying you won't find a criminal profiler with a personality disorder, but I would hardly call that a qualification. However, I will keep you in mind if women start dropping dead in your area.

8). Hi. I think profling is kool I wnat to be one what should I do next

Learn how to read and write.

9) Dear Ms. Brown, I want to be a profiler but I can't stand to look at crime scene photos. Can I be one anyway?


10) Ms. Brown, I want a super exciting career like those profilers in Criminal Minds. I want to chase serial killers and stop them from committing their next murder. What do you think I should do?

Find another career. Profiling is nothing like Criminal Minds and if you don't find studying photos and police reports and interviews something fascinating to do eight hours straight every day with just a break for lunch, you need become a street cop or  join the Marines.

If you sent one of the above emails to me, now you know why you have never heard back!

Criminal Profiler Pat Brown

November 25, 2014


Anonymous said...

This made me burst out laughing. I cannot believe you actually get emails like that.

Anonymous said...

The "experts" from The Mirror should consider profiling. Their rock solid belief of Amaral being at fault shows they must be professionals

Anonymous said...

Dear Pat

I love your patience with the 'not so bright' in the world....

and I'm glad I never emailed you.... lol

Although I do love Criminal Minds, I do realize nothing gets solved in a very short time.....

GDay from Downunder


Pat Brown said...


And profilers don't fly off in cool private jets to nab serial killers....darn.

Anonymous said...

Pat has anyone emailed you since and apologised for being guilty of any of the above?

Anonymous said...

Also even though you no longer wish to comment on the Mccanns, would you be willing to share your opinion on the search of the lake nearby? Apparently her body may have been dumped there.

Anonymous said...

@ As far as i know, their looking at keys, and maintinance workers, and a female witness that stated the windows were shut?
There could be a host of reasons why the keys went missing, and simply not anything to do with missing madeleine?
Dosent add up if the place was left unlocked to use missing keys?
Only makes sense in a state of lock down to which a key can be used?
It is very confusing, when gerry changed the version from locked to unlocked?
The alleged break in would suggest the place was locked up, in kates version?
Its these contradictions that suggest their not honest about events.

trustmeigetit said...

Would love for you to talk more about some other cases.

I love reading your analysis.

I combine that with statement analysis and often get a pretty solid theory.

Not something I could do everyday, but I do find the mystery of it all quite intriguing.

Especially those that will continue to talk to the media while lying.

Like the McCanns and Amanda Knox.

Would really love your thoughts on the Hailey Dunn case. Her mom spoke of her in past tense early on so I always felt she was gone even when she was still missing. Her body was found over a year ago and nothing has been released about it nor has the body been returned to her family for burial. Which some think is due to the fact that mom is a person of interest.

Billie Jean was a talker and even with lie after lie, she had no shame in continuing to speak. She even agreed to go on a talk show by Peter Hyatt (statement analysis guys) to which she ended up hanging up on him.

Very frustrating there have not been arrests. Especially with moms boyfriend lying that day about work and his whereabouts.

Anonymous said...

And the JonBenet Ramsey Case

Anonymous said...

Andy Redwood retires! Hmmmm