Friday, July 6, 2012

Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: Sherlock Holmes on Scotland Yard's Madeleine McCann Review

W: So, Holmes, what do you think Scotland Yard is doing in the Madeleine McCann case?

H: Well, Watson, there are only two options: they are searching for truth and justice or they are using four million taxpayer dollars to cover up a crime.

W: What would show they are searching for truth and justice, Holmes?

H: They would be seeking justice for those who perpetrated crimes against a little three-year-old girl.

W: So, let me see if I have this right; they would be following evidence and statistics which would mean they would look at the parents first since there is evidence that they were the last ones to see her, they admitted to her neglect, and because cadaver and blood dogs hit in their apartment and car, and they would also investigate the parents because statistics show caretakers are the ones most likely involved when a child of Madeleine's age disappears or dies in their care. Then, if the parents can be cleared, they should look for a local child sex predator who murdered her since statistics overwhelmingly support a child this age would be kidnapped, raped, and murdered within an hour by a man living in the vicinity.

H: Correct, Watson. But, Scotland Yard hasn't spent any time analyzing the possibility of the parents' involvement in their daughter's disappearance nor have they spent any time focusing on the vicinity of the McCann's apartment or a local child sex predator.

W: I am confused, Holmes. Are you saying that they have spent four million dollars sifting through tips that would take them out of Portugal in search of a live Maddie living with a family somewhere?

H: This is what appears to be the fact, Watson.

W: Well, then, Holmes, I would have to deduce that Scotland Yard is rife with dunces or corruption.

H: Bravo, Watson! I think you have hit the nail on the head! All the evidence points to Madeleine McCann being dead but her parents and Scotland Yard have collectively purportedly spent some eight million dollars not seeking justice for little Maddie and not seeking to punish the perpetrator or perpetrators, but instead appear to be focusing on a statistical anomaly in spite of evidence to the contrary; they want the public to believe she is alive and being cared for by strangers for the last five years. Yet none of the investigators, not the McCann hired PIs nor Scotland Yard, has presented ONE shred of evidence to validate this cock-and-bull theory.

W: Then, why, Holmes, are so many attacking the Portuguese police, retired Detective Goncalo Amaral, Criminal Profiler Pat Brown, and the others who have worked to analyze the case and provide theories and evidence of Madeleine having died in Praia da Luz on May 3, 2007? These folks haven't been milking the public and citizens of millions of dollars and then refusing to show them any of what they have discovered during their investigations.

H: Ah, Watson, I guess because there are a lot of people out there who just can't accept that Madeleine McCann is dead, has been dead, and will be dead, and there is not going to be a happy ending to the story.

W: Whoa, Holmes, aren't you afraid to say unequivocally that Madeleine McCann is dead? Aren't you worried the McCanns and Carter Ruck will be suing your deductive ass?

H: Well, let them have at it, Watson! Since I am a fictional character, they can sue me for my fictional money, and I will happily send them a fictional check for the fictional Madeleine Search Fund with my fictional signature on it. Good luck cashing that at the bank.

Criminal Profiler Pat Brown

July 6, 2012


Anonymous said...

Pat! *) You are the greatest. OMG LOL
Well done!

*) pardon me for getting into a more familiar tone ;-)

Anonymous said...


Ouch! I bet that smarts - I am truly amazed at your talent!

Well written if I may day so.

NancyB said...

I love love love this article! Well done.

marcellomalibu said...

I am going on a fast! That kind of wit & lucidity are worth some misery *-*

Anonymous said...

Mrs Sherlock Holmes says 'find out who had a motive or had someone go missing before'.

imakimou said...

Brilliant and fun.
A smile, the mouth opens and you spoon the thruth in!
Well done, I love it!

imakimou said...

Brilliant and fun!
Make us smile the mouth opens and you expertly spoon the truth in!!

Good food makes me feel better
Thanks imakimou

Anonymous said...

Dear Pat, please, please, do an experiment (well, several) about climbing out of a window while carrying a child. How would this be done? The child would have to be deposited on the ground at some point at least.
No one has ever highlighted this gymnastically impossible feat.

Anonymous said...

To anon. @ JUly 7, 8:02AM,

Yes, many have highlighted that detail, including Mr. Amaral, the chief inspector of the case.
On his documentary, made based on his book and his findings he shows exactly that, how difficult it would be to go through a window while carrying a child. A window that only half-opens (the windowpanes slide sideways, not in or out), it would be virtually impossible to do it without placing the child on the ground outside the window or without an accomplice to pass the child to.


Anonymous said...

I recall a poster, years ago - maybe on Anorak - who lived in the South and had the same type of shutters. She called the "abductor" entering by the window after jemmying the shutters [which was what the McCanns promoted at that time], an OCTOPUSSY :-) because he wouldn't have had enough arms/hands to hold
- a tool to jemmy the shutters
- to hold them up, because they will fall down after having been broken
- to open the window from outside with yet another tool, not leaving traces
- to keep holding the shutters up [otherwise they come down with a big BANG], whilst fetching the child from the other side of the room ...
- to hold such child with ONE hand, holding tools in the other hand, holding up the shutters with his 3rd hand, closing the window with his 4th hand, after having tried to put the curtains back in place with his 5th hand, pushing himself up the window seat with his 6th hand to try get through the window, bending over and laying down the child with his 7th hand ...

In short: a mission impossible. For this reason, Kate herself started calling the open window and [not] broken shutters a RED HERRING left by the abductor... haha

Anonymous said...

Greetings Pat!

You were digging in PdL. I read your postings from there with great interest. What do you make of Stephen Birch's recent comments here? Just curious!

PS By the way I have read "Only the Truth". It's a great read. I enjoyed it tremendously. I keep recommending it to my friends. Actually, I don't own a Kindle but I found out I could download the software free from Amazon and read it on my laptop. Easy.

Anonymous said...

I think fasting gave you a clear mind!!! Great dialog. Clever, clever :)


Anonymous said...

Well done Pat!

Bernice Manson said...

Loved reading this column. Brilliant! Unfortunately Stephen Birch's information was stolen from the desk of another investigator. Mr Birch has yet to learn that 'honesty is the best policy' ...

Anonymous said...

Too funny, but what is it they say about humor? There needs to be an element of truth in it for it to work. Scotland Yard, are you listening?