Thursday, August 2, 2007

Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: If it walks like a Duck...

I have to hand it to the new Dear Abby with her answer to this question (7/30/2007):

DEAR ABBY: My soon-to-be-ex-husband's secretary keeps giving my 16-year-old daughter extravagant gifts for Christmas. One year it was a complete Tiffany jewelry set (earrings, necklace and ring). This past year, "Donna" gave my daughter a $200 gift certificate to an expensive clothing store and another $200 one at a trendy cosmetics store. Should I be suspicious? -- EAST COAST MAMA

DEAR EAST COAST MAMA: No, by now you should be convinced.

Good zing, Abby, and how right you are. It is funny (and sad) how often I have heard these kinds of questions concerning what species of animal a loudly quacking duck might be. Some women are upset that their boyfriends are turning out to be liars which surprises them since they gave them such a nice place to live when they came out of prison. Other women wonder why the married men who left their wives to marry them are now cheating on them. Then, there are the women who are treated like dirt while they are dating and yet are surprised after marriage that they are still treated like crap. While we human beings may minimize some less-than-perfect behaviors in order to have companionship or a mate, there should be some very clear signs that the duck is no songbird.

Save yourself a lot of problems, ladies. If he has acted like a creep, guess what? He’s a creep!

PS. To you men out there, reread the above statement, and substitute female ducks for male ducks.

Criminal Profiler Pat Brown

1 comment:

preraph said...

Funny! While reading the post, it occurred to me that inappropriate gift-giving seems to be a calling card of wheedling manipulative people. I have seen it mask a couple of truly evil people.

One was the worst problem I ever ran into in the workplace. She gifted all the men who could do her any good, flattered them and cried on their shoulders, and was only nice to women if the men were watching. The rest of the time she was trying to sabotage them. She had a big old sob story she hooked the men with, so that anyone who had a complaint about her was an unfeeling monster. Our boss let me use her to help with a certain task. I gave it to her, waited, but she never did it and gave it back. When I finally asked about it, she teared up and told him I was lying and had never given it to her. Over a period of 3 years, she eroded my credibility until she ran me out of a job I'd held for 10 years, all because my boss and the boss over him were both egotistical idiots who really believed her B.S. and enjoyed all the flattery. (Have you ever noticed that men hardly ever question it when someone is ladeling on the flattery, but women instantly become suspicious?) Years later, I was visiting the Bully Online website, where they list types of workplace bullies, and there was one in there that described her down to the detail.

When I heard about Monica Lewinski's habit of bringing muffins to the office unbidden, I felt as if I knew her.