Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: True Religious Belief or is it about Control?

11-year old Madeline Neumann went into a diabetic coma and died while her parents watched her. Wait, to be fair, they were praying while they were watching her. The question is, should they be prosecuted for child neglect? This is an extremely difficult question on a number of levels.

1. Does the state have a right to tell us how we should be handle family issues?
2. Does the state have a right to tell us how to deal with our health problems?
3. Can the government prove that going to the hospital is always going to be a better choice than praying?
4. And here is the big question - does the Mom and Dad have any record in the last eight years of visiting a doctor or going to the hospital (Madeline stopped receiving any medical care since she was three years old.)

Number four is what I would like to see the investigators work on when they get the case. The other questions are moral, ethical, or societal issues. However, IF, at any time during those eight years, Mom or Dad sought medical help - for pneumonia, for a broken ankle, etc., or took Excedrin for a headache or Alka-Seltzer for an upset stomach, then they did NOT rely on prayer for themselves and therefore were not convinced that this was the only solution for health problems.

If one or both of the parents used modern medicine for themselves but not for the children, then this is a control issue and their religious garments are just a cover for some very narcissistic parents who should then be brought up on neglect and abuse charges. It is such a sad case for the little Madeline Neumann who could have been saved by a simple visit to the doctor for insulin.

Criminal Profiler Pat Brown

Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: A Blanket or a Suitcase? Name Two Items used to Transport a Body

The trouble with crimes that are not premeditated is that you often end up with a body you would like other people (read: the cops) not to find for a while. If you are camping when you strangle your wife to death, she can always end up in a ravine, but if you knock her off at home, boy, do you have a problem! If you think you can stage the crime as a stranger murder, well, then you can leave her in the house, sneak off, and come back another day to accidentally find her body (usually you coincidentally have a neighbor with you so you have a witness to your shock and horror at "discovering" her body- that is if you don't send the neighbor in first).

Of course, if there is going to be no question as to who killed the woman, well then, you will just have to move the body. This goes to prove why, if you are going to get into a relationship with someone you might off someday, you should pick a woman with a home (or move her into one) that is isolated and a single family dwelling. Then, all you need is a blanket and you can toss her into your trunk and drive her out to the countryside.

But, heaven forbid, you rent an apartment like the lover of Amy Giordano did! Her married lover (and father of her 11-month-old), Rosario DiGirolamo, found out what a mistake he made when he "allegedly" did her in June 7, 2007. How do you get the body down the stairs or the elevator and past any security or cameras? Yes, a very large suitcase is the only answer. Very large or you have to dismember the body in the bathtub and oh, what a chore that is. We haven't found out if poor Rosario had to go to those lengths as the suitcase with the body was just hauled out of the pond in New Jersey.

The other problem is actually moving the body. It helps if you are big and the woman is small and you don't have to haul her too far. DiGirolamo apparently had to enlist the help of his best friend who won't qualify for that status now that he has ratted Rosario out.

The moral of this immoral story is: if you are a psychopath and don't know what kind of trouble you are going to get yourself in, pick relationships with tiny women in isolated locations who live on the first floor of a detached dwelling. You can save yourself a lot of trouble.

Criminal Profiler Pat Brown

Criminal Profling Topic of the Day: What do James Frey and Barack Obama have in Common?

This is going to be my last bit of my three day Barack Obama commentary. I was going to move on to a different subject today, but then I ran across an excerpt from Obama's book, "Dreams From My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance" (which I had already read and I remember thinking something rang wrong about that particular bit as did much of the book which seemed awfully narcissistic and self-serving). The story goes that Obama's white grandmother who was raising and supporting him, was hassled by a bum at the bus stop. She wanted a ride to her work from Grandpa.

"Her lips pursed with irritation. 'He was very aggressive, Barry. Very aggressive. I gave him a dollar and he kept asking. If the bus hadn't come, I think he might have hit me over the head."

Apparently, Grandpa doesn't want to give her a ride and feels a need to explain this to the teenage Barack who apparently is totally in the dark about what the big deal is.

"He (Grandpa) turned around and I saw that he was shaking. "It is a big deal. It's a big deal to me. She's been bothered by men before. You know why she's so scared this time. I'll tell you why. Before you came in, she told me the fella was black." He whispered the word. "That's the real reason why she's bothered. And I just don't think that right.

"The words were like a fist in my stomach, and I wobbled to regain my composure. In my steadiest voice, I told him that such an attitude bothered me, too, but reassured him that Toot's fears would pass and that we should give her a ride in the meantime. Gramps slumped into a chair in the living room and said he was sorry he had told me. Before my eyes, he grew small and old and very sad. I put my hand on his shoulder and told him that it was all right, I understood.
"We remained like that for several minutes like that for several minutes, in painful silence. Finally he insisted that he drive Toot after all, and I thought about my grandparents. They had sacrificed again and again for me. They had poured all their lingering hopes into my success. Never had they given me reason to doubt their love; I doubted if they ever would. And yet I knew that men who might easily have been my brothers would still inspire their rawest fear."

Obama then drives over to his Frank's house, an old black communist party member and friend of Grandpa.

"What I'm trying to tell you is, your grandma's right to be scared. She's at least as right as Stanley is. She understands that black people have a reason to hate. That's just how it is. For your sake, I wish it were otherwise. But it's not. So you might as well get used to it."
"Frank closed his eyes. His breathing slowed until he seemed to be asleep. I thought about waking him, then decided against it and walked back to the car. The earth shook under my feet, ready to crack open at any moment. I stopped, trying to steady myself, and knew for the first time that I was utterly alone."

OH, PUHLEESE! Didn't we not learn anything about fabrication and self-promotion from James Frey's "A Million Little Pieces?" Think about this. Barack Obama is raised up by this loving grandmother who he obviously never thought of as racist in all his growing years. She is threatened by a scary street man who "happens to be black" (and it surely would be unusual because they live in Hawaii so a black man on the street begging is likely to be doing so serious drugs like ice or crack). She mentions he is black because it IS unusual and the word black functions as a description of the man, not a condemnation of blacks everywhere.

I have said similar things around my kids. My black husband said similar things around our kids. My husband might have said, "Some crazy white man came into the store," or I might have said "Some drunk black guy at the hospital threw a urinal at me," and just as likely my husband might have said, " Some weirdo black guy started harassing me in the parking lot, " or I might have said, "I got freaked today because while I was walking to pick up the kids at summer camp, a bunch of lowlife looking white guys were hanging on the corner and made comments at me."

I guess my husband and I could have left out those descriptors and just said guys or men but humans tend to try to conjure up pictures when they talk so they add in color of skin, hair, clothing, and any other significant feature. None of this means the person giving the description is a racist.

My kids never felt "blows to their stomachs" or felt that "their brothers" were terrifying their Mom. They never were so torn up by such comments that they lost their sense of identify and felt utterly alone. Furthermore, if they had, they wouldn't have immediately been so humble and kind and reasonable as Barack purports he was, the peacemaker and forgiver::rolls eyes::Obama is forever the good guy, the victim and never the victimizer. He is either a saint or a liar.

First of all, I doubt the entire scene happened as Obama relays it. I have a hard time believing his Grandpa would have gotten that angry over a simple comment and request for a ride to work unless he were one heck of a bastard. Maybe he was, but, if that is the case, the issue should be about him, not Grandma. Grandma had every right to be afraid and if Grandpa was that bent out of shape because the man she was afraid of just happened to be black, then Grandpa was mixing his political ideology with reality. Grandpa's communist friend would be doing the same if he came up with the bit about Grandma should be afraid of blacks because of history and not simply because this one black man was possibly a violent, desperate drug user who happened to be lurking on her street. Grandpa's friend made that man into a racist as well when all he might have been whacked out druggie. Everything in life is not politics.

So, this supposed incident becomes a pivotal moment in young Obama's life. For god's sake, Obama. Either you are blowing up a little incident into a political issue or you are seriously a narcissistic wuss and a drama queen. I remember my black son (adopted) who was barred from leaving the church (because after the program ended, the very careful lady at the door only opened it when she saw the child's mom approaching). The woman kept telling him I wasn't his mother as I came up the walk to the church. He kept saying, "Yes, she is!" and the woman thought he was just pulling her leg. Finally, she realized her mistake and let my son go with me! We all had a good laugh over it! My son didn't have an epiphany and realize the horrors of racism and think the woman was demented by history. He learned that she hadn't met to many black kids with white moms.

So, either, the people around Obama blew up minor incidents or he did the blowing up to make a good story and forward his very socialistic values. My guess is the latter because he has hooked up with Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

James Frey and Barack Obama may have a lot more in common than just authoring books. Oprah apparently hasn't figured that out and neither have a lot of goodhearted Americans who want to see this man as a messiah and a fresh voice for the future of America. I hope they don't vote the man into office only to wake up one day and realize that they had been fooled by a bunch of pretty words and nice smile. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Criminal Profiler Pat Brown

Criminal Profiling of the Day: My Vote goes To Smokey Robinson

I have to admit, although I am fairly conservative when it comes to policy and economics (and definitely crime), I felt sad and betrayed when I found out about Obama's connections to Wright. I like the way Obama speaks and carries himself and I was proud that any man of color (as well as any female) can be a top contender for the presidency of my country. Although I would not have voted for Obama for reasons that are purely issue driven, I was still happy to see him running for president and to see so many in America (of all races and subcultures) be supportive of him. It was exciting to see America has come so far.

Or has it? Reading the information posted on Reverend Wright's church's website and listening to his speeches, I feel as though the rug that I had become comfortable with under my feet had just been pulled out from under me and I came crashing back to the 1970's. All the positive changes in race relations and in the lives of blacks in America have been insulted by Wright and by the Obamas (lest we forget Michelle who wasn't ever proud of America until this election campaign) who seem to feel so little progress has been made.

I remember when I was dating my black boyfriend (American) in the early seventies, I was considered quite radical. When the two of us went out as a couple, I felt people spent an inordinate amount of time staring at us. My parents were not all that happy about the situation and worried they might suffer condemnation and social shunning because of their daughter's "behavior." I remember going to a meeting at Howard University on Africa (where I had traveled) and finding out I wasn't welcome because it was a black power meeting and not really about the country of Africa at all.

Fast forward to the end of the decade. I married a Jamaican man and my parents shrugged and held the wedding at their home. Their friends gave us presents. My New England grandmother who had never spent time with a black person in her life simply said my husband was a good looking fellow. I never felt anyone stared at us and the few times people looked our way I assumed it was because we were an attractive couple!

My kids grew up with no racism of note in their lives. Our neighborhood, in a suburb of Washington in Prince George's County (PG to those that live here)is a racial mix with the richest black population in the country (which doesn't keep PG from being considered a ghetto by neighboring counties because we also have some very poor areas as well). Whites and blacks in this county mix quite well and in the last ten years, there has been a strong cultural blend and it is no surprise to hear rap music come out of the white boy's car and find the black kid is driving the Camaro. And, they hang together; close your eyes and you couldn't tell them apart by listening to the talk.

I don't object to Reverend Wright being community driven and if the folks attending his church happen to be 100% black because they live there, well, then he should be inspiring and working to improve the lives of these black church members because this is where he preaches. I don't have any problem with being proud to be of any race or culture if what this represents is just a love of what one happens to be or has experienced. Nothing is wrong with saying I am PG through and through, or I am a product of Washington DC where we have Go-Go (a unique DC sound coming out of the black community), we have WHUR (the most awesome radio station for decades), the Tom Joyner Morning Show, and we still love Mayor Barry no matter what he has done. Wright can be Chicago proud and church proud and community proud, but to be separatist, hateful of his country, and claim to be more African than American (I bet Africans would think this funny) is truly sad.

For a great commentary on this issue, Smokey Robinson nails it on the head : Smokey Robinson - A Black American

Barack Obama, the man that could have brought us even further forward in eliminating racial bias in this country has more likely started a "debate" that is going to put America in reverse. While the 1970s were an important part of the growth of our country and racial progress, reliving them is going to be detrimental. Obama may have missed growing up black in America but he shouldn't be hanging out with people who are angry, racist and anti-American just because he wants to know what it would have felt like if he had.

Criminal Profiler Pat Brown

Criminal Profling Topic of the Day: Barack Obama : When Wright is Wrong

It is a simple profiling concept that "behavior makes the man." It is also a long accepted rule that "actions speak louder than words." What a person says is not nearly as important as what he does and yet it seems like a good portion of America is disregarding this truism because Obama gave a pretty speech. I rather hate to admit Hillary is correct when she admonishes us to look at Obama's past record and base our voting decisions on that and not on a bunch of words cleverly put together to make us like him and make us feel good. It seems Barack Obama is snowing us.

Reverend Jeremiah Wright is a racist and there is no question about that. Why anyone who is of a mixed racial heritage would want to hang around with a man who insults half of his relatives is beyond me. I would be appalled if any of my children (two biracial and one black and it wouldn't matter if they were all white like me) attended a church where the minister denigrated any race or the country in which they live. Discussing political issues is one thing but throwing out inflammatory remarks and engaging in unchristian attacks on any race or our country as a whole is totally unacceptable for any man of the cloth. Yet, Obama has hung around this pastor for twenty years and reveres him. Say what he will, but birds of a feather flock together and if Obama is a member of this man's flock, I don't want Obama as the President of my country.

Many people are quite unaware of Barack Obama's true background. He was raised by a white mother and by white grandparents in Hawaii, a state with a very Asian and local Hawaiian culture. His black African father vanished from his childhood before he had the chance to even know him. He spent part of his youth in the Indonesia in another Asian culture and then his teenage years back in Oahu, Hawaii where he attended Punahou, a school for mostly wealthy whites and Asians (which is why he snorted coke). Barack Obama had about zero exposure to the trials and tribulations of Black America until he went to Chicago and acquainted himself with a subculture of the black Chicagoan community with the help of his mentor, the Reverend Wright. Obama, the culturally white/Asian Hawaiian became a black man.

I am not saying there is anything wrong with identifying with a new community at some point in one's life. I have attended churches that were mostly white and churches that were mostly black (as it is hard to find an evenly mixed race church). I have spent a portion of my life attending Indian temples and hanging in the Indian (the country) community. I am comfortable with that culture. However, this fact does not make me repudiate my past communities nor my race (whatever that really is other than human). So if Barack Obama is comfortable in the black community at this point in his life, this is fine as long as the culture he in is not racist and hateful. It is fine if he does not pretend he grew up in it and therefore experienced what blacks in Chicago have experienced. He no more raised up in the African-American culture than I did.

Barack Obama could indeed be a fine bridge for a multiracial America. He could honestly state he has been a part of white, Asian, and black cultures in his lifetime. He could state he has learned much of the experiences of Americans in each one of these subcultures of our country. He can further add that he knows what it means to be a bit of all of these cultures as a mixed race American. But, for Barack Obama to align himself with a racist that hates and insults many Americans is foolish and concerning. And very sad. There is guilt by association and I want nothing to do with a person who keeps this kind of company.

Criminal Profiler Pat Brown

Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: Suicide Bombers are Social Outcasts

A new U.S. military study has determined that social outcasts are recruited by al-Qaida to become suicide bombers. One could say this is a rather "duh" conclusion because any time you have a school shooter in the U.S. you can be fairly well assured he is not fitting in well and making a great success of himself.

However, while I believe school shooters are America's version of suicide bombers, many people believe that the mentality of the suicide bomber has a deeper religious issue or a deeper historical motivation causing him to commit this violent and suicidal act. This study shows that this is likely not true at all and the only difference between the school shooter in American and the suicide bomber of the Middle East is that the school shooter is "recruited" by the anti-life community of the Internet/gaming/gore/death metal community to deliver their message and the suicide bomber is directly recruited by a more recognized and organized specific group.

What is important to learn from this study is that social outcasts are targets of those who want to attack society in an ongoing and continuous war. Suicide bombers are not just recruited once, but again and again as al-Qaida continues to attempt to destroy the West's influence - politically, economically, and socially - on their ,and the anti-life community continues to drum their message into the heads of our youth that their society is useless and needs to be destroyed as well.

Mass murderers who commit suicide in the process come in many forms but they all come out of lives of personal failure and are easy pickings for terrorist organizations of the domestic or foreign sort. In order to stop both kinds, we need to destroy the networks that recruit them and also ameliorate the societal conditions that cause these young folk to eventually turn agaisnt the human race and want to destroy them.

Criminal Profiler Pat Brown

Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: How Behavioral Profiling is Done

One aim of criminal profiling is to identify the kind of person who would have committed a crime in order to narrow the investigation focus and the pool of suspects. The behaviors exhibited by the perpetrator at a crime scene are but examples of behaviors the perpetrator will exhibit in the other areas of his life. In other words, we are all creatures of habit and comfort and we cannot radically change our thinking and actions just because we are now involved in an illegal activity.

The murder of UNC student president, Eve Carson, is a very good example of this truism. I was asked to profile the suspect recenty on a CNN Headline News and I said this offender would undoubtedly already be in the criminal justice system with a long record of crimes and likely include a number of crimes committed as a juvenile. I further said he would have committed a variety of crap crimes (as I call them) including such things as burglaries, robberies, and drug offenses. In other words, he is a lowlife and a hood, with impulsive, stupid, and violent behavior, and the police and the courts would be very familiar with him.

How can one determine this? Let's look at the behavior this offender used in the killing of Eve Carson. First of all, he is roaming around in the middle of the night which means to me he doesn't have much useful going on in his life. Secondly, he appears to have no car of his own because after he finished committing his crimes that night he pretty much drove back to where he started....he didn't feel like walking home. He no doubt is a menace to his own neighborhood or any neighborhood on a bus or metro line.

He killed Eve Carson over a few hundred bucks. He needed or wanted the money and apparently couldn't wait to get it. This shows impulsiveness and desperation which means he probably isn't working nor is he willing to think through a plan that could bring him cash without violence. This makes him a thug of the lowest degree.

Next, he drives to the ATM and sits with his face in full view of the camera with that extremely identifiable ballcap sitting on top of his head. This means he is stupid and arrogant and uncaring about his own freedom. He doesn't think or worry about tomorrow and the inside of a jail cell is not a foreign or frightening idea to him (probably he will just feel at home when he gets there). This behavior shows he has graced the inside of an institution or two in his short lifetime and his carelessness indicates his crimes will be of the down and dirty type, those not requiring anything more than audacity.

When 17-year-old Laurence Alvin Lovette Jr. was arrested this week for Carson's murder, sure enough he had a criminal past including larceny, breaking and entering, car theft. He is also suspected of a homicide during a robbery. He was on probation at the time of Carson's death. His accomplice, 21-year-old Demario James Atwater, was also on probation at the time of his arrest and his criminal career included convictions for drug possession, breaking and entering, larceny, and felony possession of a firearm. Considering these two had these extensive records at their young ages, their juvenile records no doubt are lengthy as well.

Crime is a part of the normal rhythym of a criminal's life, not an aberration within it. Even so-called crimes of passion or one-off crimes committed by people with no criminal record are reflections of the perpetrator's mindset. This is why it is so important to not simply guess the offender's background and lifestyle by assigning him to some statisitical group but to really look at what he is doing when he is committing his crime. This is behavioral profiling and a study of behavior can be illuminating and useful within the context of a police investigation.

Criminal Profiler Pat Brown

Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: (Don't) Stand by your Man, Mrs. Spitzer

Dina McGreevey, the ex-wife of sleezy ex-New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey who slept with his male employee, comments that Silda Wall Spitzer is suffering from public ridicule and shame because of her husband, New York Governer Eliot Spitzer's immoral and criminal behavior.

I say Silda should feel no shame for the errant behaviors of her creep of a husband, but she should be totally ashamed that she stood next to him when he addressed his constituents, stood there while he did not admit to his sins, while he did not resign from office, and while he did not say he will accept the punishment he deserves.

I lost all respect for Hillary Clinton when she stayed with Bill. After all, this wasn't about a man falling in love during a time when his marriage was in trouble, realizing he had done wrong, coming to his wife privately and begging her for forgiveness. In this private matter, a wife may decide to choose to give the man a second chance.

No, Bill Clinton was a womanizer who tarnished the image of the US Presidency, he was a liar, and he also violated the trust of the American citizens by putting himself in such a position that he could well be blackmailed for his behavior.

Hillary should be ashamed she stayed with a man of so little character, which makes her.... a woman of very little character.

So, Silda, are you planning to honor a hypocrite, an adulterer, a liar, an alleged money launderer, a prositute's john, and an all around sleezebag, by continuing to be his wife? Do you lack morals, character, and courage? Are you going to join the Hillarys of the world who stay with such despicable men because you don't want to give up whatever money or fame or political power they have to offer you?

Or are you going to realize when the shock wears off that staying with this poor excuse for a man makes you a lousy role model for your daughters and is an insult to women everywhere? I surely hope the next words I hear out of your mouth are, "The divorce papers are in the mail."

Women who stand by their criminal, unethical, and immoral husbands, whether they are drug dealers, killers, or politicians, don't deserve our sympathy or support. If they are going to make their bed with a known creep, let them lie in it alone.

Criminal Profiler Pat Brown

Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: Women in Crime Ink

As you may have noticed, posting has been scant lately here at The Profiler. That's because we've been busy working on some new endeavors, one of which we are proud to announce to you today. Pat and I will be back here hard at work at The Daily Profiler, but you can now read more from us, Kathryn Casey, and the rest of the fantastic group of contributors at Women in Crime Ink.

P R E S S R E L E A S E

Announcing a unique crime blog debuting this March:

WOMEN IN CRIME INK

COMING MARCH 10, 2008
http://www.womenincrimeink.blogspot.com/


Profiling the nation's most intriguing criminals . . . interviewing killers, survivors,witnesses, and lawyers . . . arresting suspects . . . prosecuting and locking up serial and sexual killers . . . safeguarding civil liberties and ensuring government accountability . . . recreating faces on skulls to help identify victims and solve cases . . . witnessing executions on Texas Death Row . . . covering the nation's top crime stories . . . and uncovering truth in the face of jail time and death threats.

These are the daily tasks of the women who make up Women in Crime Ink (WCI). Beginning March 10, they will share their day-to-day adventures and behind-the-scenes stories that are always stranger than fiction. WCI will also feature interviews as well as book and film reviews. Expect guest contributor blogs from those impacted by crime and a "Mystery Man" column, written by men in the crime biz. Additionally, WCI will host live chats with selected crime authors promoting their books.

Women in Crime Ink has assembled an impressive lineup of award-winning true-crime authors, print and broadcast journalists, crime novelists, a producer for CBS News, television personalities, and criminal justice professionals—including a forensic artist, a criminal profiler, a murder prosecutor, a police officer, a criminal defense attorney, a sex-crimes prosecutor, and a private investigator. From the West Coast to the Eastern Seaboard, they have crime covered. Meet the women of Women in Crime Ink:

PAT BROWN is a nationally renowned Criminal Profiler and author of Killing for Sport.

ANDREA CAMPBELL is a forensic artist who writes books about forensic science and law.

KATHRYN CASEY is a true-crime author whose first Texas Ranger novel debuts this summer.

TINA DIRMANN is a crime and entertainment reporter, a commentator, and a true-crime author.

STACY DITTRICH is a police officer and a crime novelist who's worked numerous murder cases.

DIANE FANNING is the Edgar-nominated author of 7 true crime books and 1 mystery novel.

JENNA JACKSON is a producer for 48 Hours whose first true-crime book was recently released.

VANESSA LEGGETT is a writer jailed by the Justice Dept. for protecting sources for a book.

MICHELE McPHEE is a best-selling true-crime author and host of a talk-radio show.

DONNA PENDERGAST is a prosecutor who put away the most prolific serial killer in US history.

ROBIN SAX is a deputy district attorney., a criminal law professor, legal analyst and author.

KATHERINE SCARDINO is a defense attorney who won Houston's first capital murder acquittal.

DONNA WEAVER is a P.I. whose career began with her husband's disappearance and murder.

For the real story on crime and media issues, bookmark http://www.womenincrimeink.blogspot.com/

Donna Weaver

Criminal Profiling Topic of the Day: Pet Profiler Right on the Money

Somtimes you just need a laugh and this pet profiler is spot on! Of course, I am a cat owner (two Bengels)so this analysis just put me on the floor. I don't know who wrote it and it is all over the net, but just in case you missed it, enjoy!

Pet Diaries

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates
and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I
make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless
must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In
an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at
their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts,
since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However,
they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little
hunter" I am. The audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard
that my confinement was due to someone's "allergies." I
must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of
my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I
must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is
obviously a loser.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating
with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every
move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an
elevated cell, so he is safe ........... for now...


Criminal Profiler Pat Brown